Jacob looked at his brother for a long time.
“What are you looking at, pit stain?”
Jacob physically recoiled. “Hey, was that necessary?”
“No, I guess not,” Zack said. “More of a bonus.”
“You’re a boner,” Jacob said.
“Oh, nice one. Soooo mature.”
Jacob was silent again, but he continued to look at Zack.
Zack said, “Say it. The suspense is killing me.”
“So …” Jacob said. “So… you really died?”
“You tell me.”
“No, I mean you died, I know that. What I mean is … What I …”
“It was like falling asleep. Except that it felt… I don’t know. It felt really good. I don’t know how to describe it.”
“Really good, like how?”
“You’re such a snot ball,” Zack said. What part of ‘I don’t know how to describe it’ did you not understand?”
“I want to see if you can desribe it, though.”
“You could just try it yourself if you’re so interested.”
Jacob was quiet.
Zack said, “Is that why you’re bugging me? You want to know what it’s like so you can try it?”
“No, I’m just curious. That’s all.”
“It was like flying. Like in a dream where you can fly.”
“I dream that sometimes.”
“Well, what does it feel like in your dreams?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s mostly surprising. I’m surprised that I can fly. I always think, it’s just like in my dreams.”
“It was like that. It was nice. And surprising. Before that I was trying to get up above the water, but then I couldn’t and I breathed the water. It really burned, it hurt a lot. But then it didn’t hurt any more.”
“What do you mean it didn’t hurt?”
“I don’t know, it just didn’t hurt any more. Then it was like… Do you ever have that other dream where you can breathe water?”
“Yeah, that one is surprising, too.”
“It felt like that.”
“You mean you were really breathing the water?”
“No, that still burned. But the rest of me felt like that, like when you can breathe the water. It’s like it’s flowing through you, you know?”
Jacob shook his head.
“And it’s kind of floaty, like when you dream you can fly. I don’t know how to desribe it any better than that.”
Jacob frowned. He looked at his brother for a long time.
“Now what?” Zack said.
“What happened after …” Jacob said. “After … you know. Afterward.”
“Then I was in the water again, and I couldn’t keep my head up.”
“No, between that, when you were– Between when it felt really good and when you were in the water again.”
“I didn’t feel anything.”
“You mean like you were numb?”
“I mean … It’s more like when you fall asleep. And then you wake up, and it’s like you just fell asleep. And unless you have a dream nothing happens in between.”
“It’s like sleeping?”
“I guess, yeah.”
“You didn’t… I don’t know… see a long tunnel or a white light or anything?”
“No. I just saw the bubbles in the water. Then it was like I woke up, but I was in the water again, trying to swim.”
“Mom was really sad.”
Zack said “Were you sad?”
“Why would I be sad, you stupid butt loogie?” Jacob said, and his face turned red, and he burst into a fit of sobs.
After a moment, when Jacob began to calm down, Zack said, “Butt loogie. That’s a good one.”
“If the foo sh… the foo sh…” Jacob said between sobs. “If the foo shits.”
Jacob wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then wiped his hand on his shirt. “So… butt loogie,” he said. “Are you going to do it again?”
“Do what again?”
“You know, at the bottom of the pond. When you stop… trying to swim?”
Zack looked at his fingers.
Jacob said, “I think that would kill… I think that would hurt Mom. A lot. She kept blaming herself for it.”
“Well, what about me?” Zack said. “You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know what it’s like to get stuck and not be able to breathe and you can’t even swim and nobody’s coming and you know you shouldn’t breathe but you have to and you can’t help it. You can’t help it! And then it burns and you can’t get out and there’s no air in it and you can’t get out. You don’t know what it’s like!”
“Well you don’t know what it’s like either! Mom cried and cried for two days.”
“You want to trade places, toad pie?”
Jacob laughed in spite of himself. “No,” he said. “No, I guess not.”
“I guess snot,” said Zack.
“So what are you going to do if it happens again?”
“Will you bring the boat?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said. “Yeah, I’ll bring the boat.”
“If you bring the boat I’ll try not to drown. Deal?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said. “You got a deal, stink foot.”
Tags: manuscript