Q. Hi, Patty. Tell me about yourself.

A. I’m a cop. I arrest bad guys.

Q. That’s it? That’s all there is to you?

A. At the moment, yeah.

Q. Personal life not going so well?

A. Uh, no. I don’t want to talk about it.

Q. I’m going to break out the butter if you don’t start talking.

A. Fuck. Yeah, you’re the kind of guy I usually go for. Then I’m left all buttery, naked, and alone.

Q. Guys dump you?

A. Fuck, no. I dump them. (laughs) I need more in a guy than sweet cream butter. More than warm hands and butter, even.

Q. So tell me about a day on the job.

A. A bad guy does something stupid and we get the call. Then we gather the information to nail them to the wall. Not much to it, really.

Q. Seems kinda matter-of-fact.

A. We’re in the facts business. It’s the facts that burn the dumbasses. They have no idea how good we are at this.

Q. You’re good at it?

A. Oh, yeah. First, we’re smart. We know what we’re doing. Second, we’ve seen it all before. You can pretty much tell when you get the crime scene exactly what went down. You learn the signs and they just jump out at you. Hell, you could probably do it if you put your mind to it.

Q. Hey!

A. (laughs) No, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just saying that if you could see the few key facts, you’d piece them together pretty quickly. For example, this Roberge thing. Man and woman naked on the floor. His dick has been shot off. Doesn’t take much to figure that one out. And in her purse is her wedding ring. So that just shouts, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s funny how so few facts paint such a clear picture. So we check her wallet, look up her address, and we’ve got our prime suspect. And it turns out he never went back to work after lunch. And so it goes. The rest is overkill, which we gotta have sometimes to satisfy the jury. It’s one thing to solve the crime to our satisfaction. It’s another thing to make the case so fucking overwhelming that it’s beyond even an unreasonable doubt. We need that sometimes. Some of the defense lawyers are pretty fucking smart, so we have to make sure everything is just right. The evidence is exactly as we say, the chain of custody is crystal clear, and the picture we’re painting is about a billion pixels per square inch.

Q. So thoroughness is your thing?

A. One of them, sure. One thing you don’t want is some fuckwad walking because you congratulated yourself too early. You solve the case, and then you solve the trial. That’s a harder problem, but it’s not all that hard if you put your mind to it.

Q. So what drives you?

A. The last nail in the coffin. We don’t want these fuckers to ever, ever see the light of day. Nail it shut, then nail it shut again. Then one more time for good measure.

Q. Tell me: What are you doing in this story?

A. Catching Dan Roberge, and nailing his coffin shut.

Q. But isn’t that pretty easy? I mean, you said it yourself. He left so many obvious clues that it’s hardly a challenge.

A. Oh, I don’t mind if it’s not a challenge. But there’s a quirk here, isn’t there? I mean, the evidence of his first crime spres is gone, isn’t it? What do we do with that?

Q. Well, it seems as if it isn’t just the evidence that’s gone, but also the crime.

A. But he did it, didn’t he? Just because time undid it doesn’t mean he didn’t do the act. He planned it, he pulled the trigger, numerous times and in a particularly, uh, poignant way, and he ran off. Does he get away with that just because of some deus ex machina? No, no, no. You don’t get away with murder, period. Not on my watch. Not even God is going to get the guy off this one.

Q. Anything else I need to know about you for this story?

A. Probably, but I don’t know what. Maybe ask me later.

Q. What’s it like working with Ray?

A. Ray’s great. A little flighty, maybe, but is so fucking smart it makes my head swim. We’re a great team. I find the puzzle pieces, and he puts them together. Of course, both of us do both of those things, but he’s better at the big picture and I’m better at noticing small things.

Q. What do you mean flighty?

A. Well, that may have been the wrong word. I don’t mean he’s some Shirley MacLean or anything. But he always wants to get on to the next thing. He’s usually in a hurry to say we’re done, and I know we’re not. We’ve solved the case, yeah, but we haven’t solved the trial, you know? We’ve been burned once or twice on that, and I won’t let it happen again. It’s a struggle to keep Ray focused on the current case sometimes. He’s always looking for something shiny and new. In more ways than one.

Q. You mean women.

A. (looks over tops of glasses) Uh, duh.

Q. Tell me more about that.

A. I don’t think so. I don’t think so, no.

Q. Well, you brought it up.

A. And now I’m shutting it down. Are we done here?

Q. For now, I guess. One more thing. Is there anything else I should be asking you?

A. You should ask me about my flaws.

Q. Okay. What are your flaws?

A. I have bad taste in men.

Q. Yeah, I know from the last book.

A. Well, you did that to me, you bastard.

Q. What challenges do you have at work?

A. Nothing, really. I honestly don’t find it all that stressful. I know that if we just keep plugging we’ll get what we need. I mean, I don’t slack off or anything, but what’s the point of stressing out over it? Life’s too short. Just keep plugging, and let that be enough.

Q. But what if the bad guy gets off?

A. Yeah, that sucks. That sucks. But if the evidence isn’t enough, it isn’t enough. Here’s the thing: Af there’s evidence, I’ll find it. I’ll notice it and forge it into one of those coffin nails. If it’s there, I’m on it. But if it isn’t there, it isn’t there, you know? I’m not into making up shit. If the evidence is enough, it’s enough. If not, well, them’s the breaks, kiddo.

Q. Methinks the lady dost protest too much.

A. Yeah, well, we’re all entitled to our opinions.