Okay, I think that’s the last of my character interviews. For now, anyway.
Q. Hey, Zoe. What’s up with you?
A. I’m rethinking my involvement with this particular fatal attraction.
Q. How did you get yourself into this predicament?
A. She was there and she was interested.
Q. Is that all it takes?
A. And she was hot.
Q. With criteria like that, you’re bound to have a disaster like this sooner or later.
A. Yes, apparently so.
Q. What are you doing in my story?
A. I’m the other guy, the guy that gives the jealous guy someone to be jealous of.
Q. Is that all? You sound like a prop.
A. With a name like Zombie Goat, what do you expect? I’m someone that someone can kill on the first page fo the novel. I’m a prop.
Q. Okay. What else would you like to be?
A. I’d like to be the guy who lives happily ever after.
Q. Oh, no, I don’t think that’s going to happen. What else?
A. I’d like Faith’s crazy husband to stop killing me.
Q. Okay. What else?
A. I think I’d like to slip quietly out of this relationship.
Q. You’re one of those “gone in the morning” hit and run guys?
A. I’m a temporary distraction.
Q. From what?
A. From the loneliness of married life. Do you know anyone who’s married who isn’t lonely?
Q. Depends what you mean by lonely, I guess. I’d say that married people are no more or less lonely than anyone else.
A. So you think I’m lonely?
Q. You’re having an affair with a married woman twice your age. That’s not the mark of a man who is satisfied with his relationships in life.
A. Well if she were the only one, you’d have a point.
Q. If she isn’t the only one, that makes my point even more strongly.
A. I can be with a woman any time I want. You call that lonely?
Q. Yeah, that’s how it seems to me. You’re a cliche. You’re with lots of women so that you never have to notice that you’re not ever really with any of them.
A. You think too much. I’m enjoying my life. Can you say the same thing?
Q. Actually, yeah, I can.
A. Only because you’ve given up on your dreams.
Q. What are your dreams?
A. You haven’t been listening. I’m living my dream right now.
Q. Different women every night?
A. Didn’t you ever want that?
Q. Nah. I couldn’t handle the emotional turmoil.
A. Yeah, you get all emotionally involved. It’s a trap.
Q. Well, I guess we choose our traps, eh? Are you happy with the trap you’ve chosen?
A. What the hell are you talking about? I’m as free as I want to be.
Q. And you want to be with a different woman every night?
A. Of course!
Q. Okay, I don’t think there’s much I can do for you. Not at the moment, at least.
A. Well, okay then.
Q. But you’re still a cliche. I’m not happy about that.
A. Well, cliches are cliches because they’re true. So maybe you can just leave it at that.
Q. Your’e the first character who hasn’t become more interesting during the interview.
A. Yeah, cliches are like that.
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